is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
