Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Holy shit dude........stairs
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
