Where is the hickey?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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