What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
