i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
