So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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