Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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