We won't sleep together?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
