I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
