I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I love having hate sex.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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