i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
this will be a night to untag.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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