Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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