i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
