There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
