and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
