i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
