His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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