so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Found your dick twin last night
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Randomize
