ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
