Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
