If i come over, it means nothing
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
