she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
