He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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