i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
