Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
