i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
please come you make the beer taste better
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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