i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
