Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
