don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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