How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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