Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
