I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
