Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
