i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
