I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
