Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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