turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
