there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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