I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
