She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
