How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
