I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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