he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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