I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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