I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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