I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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