My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she told me i tasted like america
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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