You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
