Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
