The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My vagina is very pro this idea
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
