All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
