I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
