Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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