There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
