I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
