They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
