Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
